My BFFL is getting married this Saturday in Washington, D.C., then again next weekend in Vegas. I’m super pumped as it will be nice to get away. Plus, I’ve got a shot at winning my dignity back in Vegas, so that would be great. I’ll learn from my past mistakes and employ the following strategies:
- Don’t keep over $100 cash on you, unless absolutely necessary. Including chips.
- Never trust a woman [in Vegas] in a pant suit.
- Trust her even less if she looks like Eminem’s mom.
- Never tell anyone if you win any sum of money over $100.
- Leave your car/house/office keys in the room (your car is in a different state, so it’s unnecessary).
- Don’t gamble after 2:00 AM.
- Don’t stand too closely behind anyone.
- Don’t make jokes about bombs in airports or drugs in clubs.
It’s weird, you always hear people talk about how you can’t meet your life partner in bars or on Tinder, but two of my friends have met their partner at a bar and one connected with her husband via Tinder. Life works in mysterious ways, I suppose.