BFN

Womp, womp, womp….

Well, as soon as I possibly could, I started taking pregnancy tests. They were all negative (including the blood test), but I thought there was still a possibility!! Until there wasn’t and I started my period. I don’t think I knew until that point how invested I was in this process and how much I desperately wanted a baby.  I was devastated. So, you might think I wanted to go in full force for the next rounds and just push through until achieving a positive result.  I would think that, too, from an outsider’s perspective in both this process and knowing me, but the opposite seemed to happen.

I thought I was too invested in this (partly because everyone was telling me to “relax and it will happen”) and needed a break.  Timing sex constantly and only thinking about sex for conception is a difficult task (surprisingly). It was getting exhausting and I was busy at work, so I decided to take a break.

I’m using the pronoun ‘I’ a lot in my journey. This is for a couple of reasons: 1. It’s my story and I don’t want to think about making sure I’m using the most inclusive pronoun constantly. 2. J is extremely relaxed about this whole process (for better or worse), so he let’s me for the most part take the reigns on the tempo at which we proceed.

So, we went on with our life without the main focus being conception (kinda).  Every month, I still ritualistically bought a 20 pack of ovulation tests and a 3 pack of pregnancy tests and every month I still tested like crazy and attempted to get pregnant.

It wasn’t until November 2016 when I received a letter in the mail letting me know my RE was moving out of the city did I want to pursue it further.  This time, I set up an appointment to see a different RE in town, one who came highly recommended by several people at my work and others around town.

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