I woke up the next day, feeling sprightly. It was Friday and it had been a particularly challenging week. I was ready to conquer the day with a positive attitude. I went to the doctor’s office at 7:45 AM ready for the ultrasound. I didn’t have to wait long – it was the first appointment of the day. I went in, got undressed, and waited 60 seconds. One of the things I’m still perplexed about is that they leave the room when I undress. I guess thanks for protecting my modesty? I digress.
The nurse came back in and started the ultrasound. The doctor came in slightly after, looked for thirty seconds and said “I’ve seen all I need to see.” Then he states, “well, wait a second, do you mind if I push on you?” So, there was pushing, prodding, poking, etc. for a little while until he was satisfied. Then he said: “Well, it’s not good news. Get dressed and meet me in my office. Do you want coffee?” I, of course, accepted the coffee as I love caffeine and I was aware that if nothing else, the coffee would allow me a slight escape from whatever was about to occur. I got dressed and made the three feet journey into the doctor’s office.
I sat down and waited for him to bring both his and my coffees. When he sat down, he immediately began a long story about delivering quads and his own journey with infertility. Then, he explained the pieces of making a baby (egg, sperm, uterus). At this point, I saw where it was going, but didn’t want to be rude, so I sat there, staring at my coffee. Then, he went back to my chart and to discussing my endometriosis. He explained to me the scoring system that goes on in endometriosis. Any score over 40 is considered stage 4, the most severe. He then showed me pictures of a 10, 30, 45, and a 114. He said, usually the 114 is an outlier to show people what the issues can be, but not in your case….. You’re a 126!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cue the craziest internal thought: Well, at least I beat most people.
But, anyway, he continued on to let me know that conceiving on my own would simply not be an option. Yes, miracles happen and anything is possible, but it is very, very unlikely that anything would result in success. My ovaries are covered in scar tissue and cysts from the endometriosis, so it may as well be cement. We then discussed IVF. I’ve always assumed this is how I would have to conceive, but also hoped with all my heart that I was wrong. We discussed costs, mainly, and if it’s possible for J and me. I’ve not yet covered this yet, but all fees are due up-front and insurance has covered none of this and will not cover any of IVF. The sign in their office reads “Full payment is expected at time of service. If you are unable to comply, we will be happy to reschedule your appointment.”
Luckily (??????), I’m an insane person and started pretending that I have two kids in daycare as soon as we started trying to conceive and have been putting away that money each month, so I think we can do it with little disruption to our current life. It’s not going to be easy, but I am thankful it’s possible-ish.
In case anyone was wondering, the coffee was great.